Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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