i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
