I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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