All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
