Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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