Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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