and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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