I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
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I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
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I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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