Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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