I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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