my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i think i have two assholes
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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