420 ftw
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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