Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
