We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
they're like a gay fantastic four
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
