Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
