she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
