he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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