i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
