I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
