Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
