I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
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i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
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I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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