Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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