Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
