Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There's always time for handjobs
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
