So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
