Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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