Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
