Pants 0. Shit 1.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
