I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
