I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
