Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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