Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
