i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize