all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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