when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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