good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my being single is dangerous.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
