So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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