I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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