Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
