Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
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I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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