I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
