i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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