Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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