whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
