just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
