If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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