Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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