you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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