I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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