I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
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