i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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