Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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