What did we do last night that was yellow?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
