I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
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He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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