please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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