The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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