Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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