I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
