Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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