So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
