How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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