So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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