I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
