i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
