When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
